Love and Tolerance


Although love is the binding agent that keeps a relationship together, there are a number of factors, both positive and negative, that affect how strong the love binds that relationship. One important element is tolerance. Tolerance can be defined as a fair, objective and permissive attitude toward opinions, feelings and practices that are different that one’s own. Basically, this is saying that to be tolerant is to have compassion for another’s feelings and ideas when they are different from your own. Exactly how important is this in a relationship? Should you have a low tolerance or high tolerance in a relationship?

In my opinion, tolerance goes hand-in-hand with respect. Respect in a relationship acknowledges that life isn’t always black and white and that for one person to always be right, the other person does not have to always be wrong. There can be times where there are areas of grey. Realizing this can always help the partners avoid unnecessary stressful discussions and arguments. If you respect your partner, allow that to reduce the workload in the relationship by limiting the challenges to those issues that are really important, not just differences in opinion. Is the house on fire? Are you having a heart attack? If not, then there probably are some areas of grey. Stop arguing! Have some tolerance of the other person’s opinions. Respect the other person’s opinions!

Displaying respect for your partner builds feelings of acceptance and reassurance. It helps to tear down any walls or barriers that may have been put up over the years. It also makes relationships lighter which could mean better intimacy in the long run. Naturally, there are things that couples do to one another that cause irritation or friction and possibly even embarrassment. This can be as simple as how your partner puts the toilet paper on the roller, or more serious such as the way he or she uses vulgar language in front of your small child. It is the tolerance in the relationship that recognizes that sometimes you each do things that drive the other crazy, but unless there are formidable consequences, you take a breather and let the irritation pass. One positive about developing tolerance is that benefits go both ways: You can each be yourselves without worrying that the other is going to take you to task. Over time, it seems that the relationship becomes stronger, or more adhesive, because the give-and-take attitude, or the tolerance, means that the irritation at some of these habits actually turns into a form of fondness for one another’s idiosyncrasies which creates a more loving atmosphere.

In closing, I must ask, why then have a low tolerance in a relationship? Having a low tolerance can only destroy the glue that binds the relationship together. It will annihilate the love that you both have worked so hard to shape. Low tolerance means you have no regard and little respect for the other person as well as their feelings and opinions. Tolerance and trust go hand-in-hand. A lack of tolerance will also create a lack of trust. This lack of trust will establish walls and boundaries between partners; a suit of armor per se will be put on be each person. These walls will then lead to less intimacy and less respect for one another. Destruction of the relationship is the final phase of the relationship.

Even though getting passed your partner’s irritations and aggravations may seem like a hard road or a huge challenge, in the long run, you will be rewarded not only with tolerance, but with your partner’s trust and loyalty. It will create intimacy and a strong bond or what we can call the ultimate love!


One Response to “Love and Tolerance”

  1. I agree with much of what you say. It would be a better planet if we could internalize our intellect or knowledge. Knowing what to do and doing it are two different things.

    A neat site and I gave it a positive rating on Web of Trust,
    a.k.a. W.O.T.

Leave a Reply