Theodore vs. the Oompa-Loompas


So, the other day Theodore and I were sitting under our tree with our kick ass tree house in it watching the Oompa-Loompas playing soccer.  Theodore was having his 40-ounce of Miller Lite like normal.  For some reason, he was in a rather pissy mood that day.  All of a sudden I see Theodore get up and start running towards the soccer field, pick up the soccer ball and kick it across the street.  All I could do is watch in amazement.  Next thing I know, the Oompa-Loompas gather around him and begin chanting:

“Oompa Oompa, Doompadee Doo
I’ve got some simple advice for you.
If you touch our soccer ball once more
We will knock your monkey ass to the floor.”

Theodore then yells a few explatives to them and strolls back to the tree, sits down and begins to sip his 40-ounce again. I asked him why he did that and explained that I liked Willy Wonka and that I eat Sweet Tarts and Nerds and that wasn’t a cool thing to do. He said “Fu&% those little orange guys. Why can’t they just talk normal?” So we continue to watch the game.

Not fifteen minutes later, Theodore gets up, looks around and takes off running full speed towards the soccer field.  He’s headed for a Oompa standing alone on the side of the field.  He gets closer and closer.  Next thing you know, he drop kicks the little guy.  He freaking drops kicks the orange fellow.  I’m thinking, OH MY GOD.  There’s going to be a riot.  The orange people are going to start coming out the woodwork.  The soccer game stops.  All the Oompa-Loompas run over and gather around their friend.  You then hear a sound above and then appears a glass elevator with Willy Wonka coming down out of the sky.  Wonka gets out of the elevator, picks up the hurt Oompa, brings him back to the elevator and takes off back into the sky.  As he’s taking off, he orders the other Oompas to “Get Him”.  The Oompas encircle Theodore, and I’m pretty sure Theodore got the ass-whipping of his life.  After about 20 minutes, Theodore stumbles back to the tree, sits down and takes a sip of his beer and says “And I always thought those little orange bastards were make believe!”


Leave a Reply