Love and Compromise

Sep
4

For partners to compromise in their relationship, they must first understand how to compromise. This is easier said than done. They must first agree that it is acceptable to disagree with one another as long as no resentment is held against the other. Also, lines of communication must always remain open as it is important to let your partner know how you feel. Help one another analyze the pros and cons of the situation as this will allow the two of you to be fair to one another. Feelings of resentment should never come out of a compromise so be sure the compromise is what you want when you agree to it.

We need to distinguish between a need and a want. Webster’s Dictionary defines a need as a necessity or a requirement whereas a want is defined as to desire or crave something. It is not our needs we have to abandon in a relationship but rather our wants possibly if we must compromise effectively. The basic premise is how do we love one another if we fail to love our selves through self neglect? Can we be free of needs? I really don’t think so. We need water and food at a minimum, but of course there are other needs. In my opinion, needs differ from person to person. One person may need love; another person may need compassion; and yet another person may need ongoing medical attention ;-). An abundant life can come from the fulfillment of our wants. What does all of this have to do with compromising in a relationship? It’s simple. We compromise to fulfill our needs and the wants are just icing on the cake!

Compromising is a basic skill that is for life in general and is an important skill that must be honed to be successfully used in a relationship. Knowing how and when to compromise is a key component to a healthy relationship that will stand the test of time. Without the willingness or ability to compromise, your relationship can be set up for failure. There are plenty of people that view compromise as a sign of weakness or that it makes them appear to be the passive partner in the relationship. That is not the case. First off, it takes two to compromise and secondly, you must make the correct compromise. If you don’t both compromise, then it’s not a compromise. You basically just gave in to your partner. If you suffered a loss or didn’t fulfill a need, then you made a wrong compromise.

Just like any other agreement or relationship individuals enter into, there are rules of engagement so to speak. It’s the same with compromising. Here are a few basic guidelines when compromising:

• Neither of you should experience a considerable loss during a compromise. You will be giving up a portion of what you originally “wanted” due to the nature of a compromise though.

• The compromise should be as close as possible to a “win win” situation for both of you.

• It is central to the success of the compromise that the two of you trust one another will not take advantage of each other during the compromise.

• If you or your partner does not think they will be able to live by the agreement of the compromise, then do not enter a compromise.

To reiterate, every successful relationship requires a fair amount of give and take of your wants. The key to this equation though is balance. Each partner should contribute equally and should receive an equal amount of enjoyment in return. This may seem like a simple concept, but it is one that couples struggle with everyday. Neither of you are ever going to want the same thing at the same time. But if you master the art of giving an inch, your partner is more likely to go that extra mile in return!

 

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