Investing in Love


What exactly is an investment?  An investment can be defined as the commitment of resources in order to gain a profitable return.  You may think I’m referring to investing from a financial standpoint, but in actuality, we invest different things throughout our everyday life.  We invest “items” such as energy, time, knowledge and even love and emotions.  With every investment, there come risks.  In terms of investing love and feelings, what exactly is being risked?

 By pursuing a relationship of any type, the risks include emotions, feelings, rejection and even love.  The question is whether or not your feelings and emotions are worth risking.  Is the person with whom you have this relationship worth the investment?

When entering into a relationship, a person usually has a good idea of what they are seeking from the relationship, but is probably unclear as to what he/she is willing to risk.  This lack of uncertainty may evolve from a person’s own insecurities or past experiences and may even be due to the clear realization of the return on investment (ROI).  We can define ROI as the ratio of what you’ve gained or lost against what you have invested into the relationship.

Also, when deciding whether to pursue an emotional investment, the other person’s goals must be taken into consideration.  The goals must match up to some degree with your own.  Take for example a guy and girl that have known one another for quite a while.  Over the years, the guy develops feelings for the girl whose feelings remain only platonic towards the guy.  There are two scenarios in this instance.  The guy may not know the girl does not have the same feelings (the risk) or he knows the girl has similar feelings, but he is afraid to pursue the relationship (investment).  He may choose not to explore the possibility of a relationship both because of the risk of being rejected and because of the risk of destroying the friendship.  The guy would then need to determine if a relationship with the girl is worth the investment because of the possibility of no ROI or an undesired outcome.

How does one go about determining if a relationship is worth the investment?  How do you invest in a new relationship if you’re “investment leery” due to past relationships?  The majority of the time you know when a relationship is a good investment or not within a few weeks.  You may even know sooner given you’ve asked yourself the right questions.  When contemplating an investment in a relationship, consider the following questions:

  1. What attracts me to this person?
  2. What is the sort of relationship I’m seeking with this person?
  3. Where do I want to be in five years?
  4. Why did my last relationship (investment) fail?

 The above questions can provide great insight in determining if your investment goals match up to your partner’s goals.  There are instances when a past investment has put a sour taste in your mouth and you may be gun shy to make another investment or even allow someone to invest in you.  Try to avoid this trap as each investment is a new journey and will have very different results.  Past investment strategies that did not produce a desired outcome may cause you to delay or even turn down an investment that may have a positive impact on you.  Don’t be scared to invest what you have to offer.  Resist the urge to make an investment to only gain instant satisfaction

Referencing the definition of investment above, it was stated that an investment includes the commitment of resources.  Commitment is a critical part in any relationship, but commitment in this context has nothing to do with being in a “committed” relationship.  In this case, commitment means to continuously and without hesitation commit your resources:  feelings, emotions or love.  It is simply how willing two individuals are to invest in the relationship.

If you have decided to take the risk and pursue a relationship, don’t be lazy and stop investing.  A relationship could be looked at like a 401(k).  The more you invest, the higher your return will be.  If you stopped investing in your 401(k), you wouldn’t be very surprised when you had very little money in it.  Relationships require a regular investment of:

Time – All about how much time you actually invest into the relationship.  Remember that you can’t save time, you can only invest it.

Commitment – All about how much of your resources you invest on a continuous basis (love, emotions, etc.).

Emotions – All about how you feel when you’re with your partner and how you make them feel.

Esteem – If your self-esteem has taken a hit in the past, it could take years before your investment “breaks even”.  Allow the investment to grow your self-esteem which, in turn, will grow your partner’s self-esteem.

Energy – All about how much energy the two of you invest in the relationship.  Extra energy may need to be invested when times are rough.

Loving someone is never easy due to the fact that many trials and obstacles will be encountered. The investment (relationship) is continuously at risk and sometimes these obstacles might make you feel like giving up. It will be tested as times passes. Risks will always be present.  Always remember though, to love and be loved in return, that is the best result in this kind of investment.

Official Dawg Code of the Dovah Tribe


Below you will find the Official Dawg Code (known as the “Bro Code” to some). This code has been around for centuries yet its original roots remain unknown. The code is meant to strengthen the bond between guys and create an everlasting camaraderie. This separates the men from the boys ladies and gentlemen. This particular code is specific to the Dovah Tribe. I now present to you the Official Dawg Code:

1. Dawgs before hoes. The bond between two Dawgs is stronger than that between a Dawg and a coed Dawg or any other female. A Dawg may opt to spend time with his fellow Dawgs even before spending time with a coed Dawg, girlfriend/wife or any other female.

2. A Dawg is always entitled to do something stupid as long as the rest of his Dawgs are all doing it. For example – If only one Spanish dude were to run down the street in front of a bunch of angry bulls, people would have been like “Dude, come on!!”. The license to be stupid is why we have Dawgs in the first place.

3. If a Dawg gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee when full grown. A corollary to this states that naming a lap-dog after a pro-wrestler or a character from a Steve McLain movie does not absolve a Dawg from this article.

4. A Dawg never divulges the existence of the Dawg code to a woman unless the woman has been designated a coed Dawg.

5. Whether he cares about sports or not, a Dawg must care about sports (including coed Dawgs).

6. A Dawg shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Dawgs in a gym locker room. A corollary to this states that should a Dawg get naked in the locker room, all other Dawgs shall pretend that nothing out of the ordinary is happening while at the same time immediately averting their eyes. When in doubt, remember the old adage. If your towel drops to the ground, so should your eyes.

7. A Dawg never sends a greeting card to another Dawg. There are no sentiments between two Dawgs that cannot be articulated through the convenience and emotional distance of electronic mail (including coed Dawgs).

8. A Dawg never admits he can’t drive a stick even after an accident.

9. Should a Dawg lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Dawgs will not make lame jokes such as “Gimme three” or “Wow!! Quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball!!” It’s still a hi-five and that Dawg still has a lot of balls, metaphorically speaking of course.

10. A Dawg will drop whatever he is doing and rush to help his Dawg dump a chick. This does not apply to coed Dawgs because a dog shall never date a coed Dawg. Therefore, the “BFF” and the “girlfriend code” do not apply. A Dawg is entitled to pursue a coed Dawg’s friend in any manner he sees fit. It’s normal for a Dawg to get confused and disoriented when dumping a chick. For some reason he is worried she will become agitated or even violent after he calmly explains his desire to hook up with her friends. This is when a Dawg most needs his Dawg to remind him that there are plenty of chicks in the ocean and that a breakup need not be hazardous, stressful or even time- consuming.

11. A Dawg may ask another Dawg to help him move but only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large furniture pieces. If the Dawg has vastly underestimated, either his Dawgs retain the right to leave his possessions where they are, in most cases stuck in a door-way.

12. Dawgs do not share dessert.

13. All Dawgs shall dub one of their Dawgs his wingman even if said Dawg is a coed Dawg. Designated dawg must comply with this request.

14. If a chick enquires about another Dawg’s sexual history, a Dawg shall honor the Dawg Code of silence and play dumb. Dawgs, including coed Dawgs, shall never, ever cock block.

15. A Dawg never dances with his hands above his head.

16. A Dawg should be able to recite anytime the following reigning champions: Super Bowl, World Series and Play Mate of the year.

17. A Dawg shall be kind and courteous to his co-workers unless they are beneath him on the pyramid of screaming. America was built on the backs of men and women who were yelled at to work harder and the tradition has been screamed to generation from generation. But you just can’t scream at anybody. You can only scream beneath you.

18. If a Dawg spearheads a beer run at a party, he is entitled to any excess monies accrued after canvassing the group. Note: To avoid confrontation it’s a good idea to jettison the receipt before returning to the party.

19. A Dawg shall not sleep with another Dawg’s sister. However, a Dawg shall not get angry if another Dawg says “Dude, your sister’s hot!!” Corollary, it is probably better for everyone if Dawgs just hide pictures of their sisters when other Dawgs are coming over. When in doubt refer to the check list for Dawg-proofing your home.

20. A Dawg respects his Dawgs in the military because they’ve selflessly chosen to defend the nation, but more to the point, because they can kick his ass six ways to Sunday.

21. A Dawg never shares observations about another Dawg’s smoking-hot girlfriend even if the Dawg with the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Dawg by saying “She’s smoking-hot, huh?” A Dawg shall remain silent, because in this situation, he’s the only one who should be baiting. An exception to this rule is when a coed Dawg says, “This is my best friend. Isn’t she hot?” The Dawg can agree.

22. There is no law that prohibits a woman from being a Dawg. Women make excellent Dawgs because they can translate and navigate the confusing and contradictory whims that comprise the chick code (Chicks do have the chick code!!). NOTE: If a woman does become a Dawg, the chick code no longer pertains to that woman.

23. When flipping through TV channels with his Dawgs, a Dawg is not allowed to skip past a program featuring boobs. This includes but is not limited to, exercise shows, women’s athletics, and on some occasions surgery programs.

24. When wearing a baseball cap, a Dawg may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o’clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.

25. If a Dawg and coed Dawg are watching TV together, it is understood that the Dawg has first rights to the remote control.

26. Unless he has children, a Dawg shall not wear his cell phone on a belt clip.

27. A Dawg never removes his shirt in front of other Dawgs, unless at a resort pool or the beach. Corollary, a Dawg with a coat of fur on his back, keeps that thing covered at all times even at resort, pool or beach.

28. A Dawg will, in a timely manner, alert his Dawg to the existence of a fight between two fellow human beings of the female variety. If an informed Dawg is unable to witness the fight first hand, a spotter Dawg is responsible for documenting and relating details of girl fight via pictures, video or, barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime.

29. If two Dawgs decide to catch a movie together, they may not attend a screening that begins after 4:40pm. Also despite the cost savings, they shall not split a tub of popcorn, choosing instead to procure individual bags.

30. A Dawg doesn’t comparison shop.

31. When on the prowl, a Dawg hits on the hottest chick first because you just never know.

32. A Dawg doesn’t allow another Dawg to get married until he’s at least thirty.

33. When in a public restroom, a Dawg (1) stares straight ahead when using the urinal; (2) makes the obligatory comment, “What is this, a chicks’ restroom?” if there are more than two dudes waiting to pee; and (3) attempts to basketball toss his used paper towel into the trash can like a basketball…rebounding is optional.

34. Dawgs cannot make eye-contact during a devil’s three-way.

35. It is appropriate for a coed dawg to participate in a three-way with a Dawg. Furthermore, it is also appropriate for a coed Dawg to participate in a three-way with her BFF (or any of her female friends :-)) and the Dawg!

36. A Dawg may have a sexual relationship with a coed Dawg.

37. A Dawg never rents a chick flick with a coed Dawg or by himself.

38. A Dawg shall never call another Dawg by a pet name or any other term of endearment.

39. A Dawg never discusses events that have occurred in the past. Yesterday cannot be changed so why bring it up? Start each day fresh.

40. When questioned in the company of women, a Dawg always decries fake breasts.

41. A Dawg is under no obligation to open a door for anyone. If women insist on having their own professional basketball league, then they can open their own doors. Honestly they’re not that heavy.

42. Even in a fight to the death a Dawg never punches another Dawg in the groin.

43. When a Dawg gets a chicks number, he must wait at least ninety-six hours before calling her. The reason is Dawg-flation which is an unreasonable increase in female expectations about how Dawgs should act. You call a woman the next day, she tells her friends that you called the next day, and soon enough, women everywhere will expect guys to call them the next day. Before you know it, Dawgs all over the world will find themselves trapped in relationships and all because you couldn’t wait 96 little hours.

44. Should a Dawg become stricken with engagement, his Dawgs shall stage an intervention and attempt to heal him. This is more commonly known as “a bachelor party”.

45. Dawgs shall never love each other outside the realm of Dawgship.

46. If an argument ensues between two Dawgs, a third Dawg will be needed to settle the argument. If an argument ensues between a Dawg and a coed Dawg, the Dawg’s decision will be the final decision.

47. A Dawg shall never drink the last beer unless explicit permission has been granted.

48. Never diss a fellow Dawg if his favorite sports team just lost a crushing game.

49. Birthday and Christmas presents for your fellow Dawgs are optional, but beer always makes a great gift.

50. If you go to the bar with your Dawgs, you must buy at least one round of drinks.

51. When out with the Dawgs, never accept a call from your girlfriend/wife/etc.

52. Never share a bed with another Dawg unless it is a coed Dawg.

53. This code can be revised at any time ONLY by a Dawg. Women, including coed Dawgs are NOT allowed to modify this code in any way.

A Better Place


Clearly love conquers all
Others often short do fall
Much empathy is needed each day
Possibly humanity is the way
Altruism displays true tolerance
Spontaneity inspires true impulse
Such actions we all should copy
Inhabitants of this land we occupy
Only selflessness should reign supreme
Near perfect world and we’re the team!

This is my first shot at what’s called an acrostic poem.

Self De-Steemed


Cluttered mind and fucked up thinking;
Void to what’s going on around me.
Burned out, wasted away, empty and shallow;
Today is simply yesterday’s tomorrow.

No more comfort, and I no longer feel pain.
I no longer trust; people are all the same.
Their judgments and insults were never spared
So when I’m gone do you think they will care?

My soul is gone, and I feel not a thing.
I freely entertain what death may bring.
I’m constantly reaching for the dark light.
I’m numb to all around me day or night.

They made me hurt but now it is their turn
To feel pain in their hearts so they may learn
That being trapped in your own mind really fucking hurts,
But when you’re alone and trapped, the balloon will soon burst.

My prayers are no longer wasted and my tears have all dried up,
And I soon begin to take sips of the serum in death’s cup.
I close my heavy eyes, and I lay down my cluttered head
Because I know within a few moments I will be dead.

Rock of Ages – Part 1


Ok, so I had been putting in close to 70 hours a week for work so this was a typical Saturday at home for me doing work.  All day long I experienced what I thought was stomach cramps.  Later that evening, the “cramps” worsened and became so intense I wound up in bed curled up in the fetal position.  I was in serious freaking pain!  It all became clear…it wasn’t stomach cramps.  I’m thinking it’s another damn kidney stone.  This is where my journey to the ER began.

Upon arrival at the ER, I was greeted with a wheel chair as I could barely walk the pain was so agonizing.  Even in the wheel chair I was writhing in pain, but to my surprise, I was taken straight back to the assessment area and then brought immediately to a room.  I was instructed to remove only my shirt and clad myself with the hospital’s chosen wardrobe that included the famous “bum exposing” gown.  Minutes later, the nurse entered to start my IV, ask me a few questions and administer my first dose of Dilaudid.  Hell yeah!  He informed me that I would soon be going to x-ray to get a CT scan.  I soon began feeling the effects of the Dilaudid as my pain slightly subsided as did my irritability.  But…in walks this little redhead.  Those of you that know me well know that I LOVE redheads, but you’ll soon find out that this particular one really pissed me off.  By this time, the Dilaudid has had a chance to really begin to have a nice effect on me.  I am still hurting a bit, but I no longer have lips which I’m attempting to conceal with my hand so no one will notice and my eyes have begun to do some really freaky things that to this day, I still cannot explain.  So the redhead walks over to the bedside and begins asking questions for insurance purposes.  The first number of questions I was able to answer with a simple nod of the head.  Then she starts asking questions where I have to recite information.  Where do I work?  I tried to tell her.  It just so happened my then employer’s name had the word catastrophe in it.  I kid you not, this is her response, “So that is c-a-t-a how do you spell that?”  By that time, I cannot even think straight.  I said TACASTRAPHE, TACASTRAPHE.  It just went downhill from there.  She asked for my address.  Nope…I couldn’t remember.  Then my social security number.  Yeah right!  Really?!?!  I ended up just pulling out my wallet and telling her, as best as I could, given the state my lips were in, that she can find everything she needed in there.  Finally, I was saved.  In walked the x-ray technician.  Do you know that redhead had the nerve to ask me to initial, sign and date the form?  Remember I told you my eyes were playing tricks on me?  Not only could I not see, but I could not even remember how to spell my own name.  I took the pen and scribbled what I could on her paper and was rolled out to x-ray!

The x-ray tech is rolling me down the hall and she keeps looking at me rather peculiarly as I was her as well.  Given the state I was in, this girl appeared as a walking marshmallow with glasses.  She was dressed completely in white, extremely anti-slender and talked too damn much.  Finally, as we near the door to the x-ray room, she asks me what is wrong.  I tell her that I cannot feel my lips and my eyes were “fucked up”.  She opened that door so fast, she nearly fell down or should I say rolled over.  She then screamed into the room for her co-workers to come immediately.  A few of them came over and asked if there was a problem.  She said “Yes there is a serious problem.  He just told me he can’t feel his lips and his eyes are feeling weird.”  They asked her what I was in for so she looked at my chart and responded with possible kidney stone.  They asked if I had been given any pain meds.  She looked and said I had been given Dilaudid.  I can still hear them giggling at her.  They said bring him in and help him get on the table.  As they were prepping the table, one of the other techs told me I should probably put my wallet back in my pocket.  I responded that it would be OK right where it was on the bed.  He then said he would help me get it into my pocket because it would make him feel better.  So he begins to roll me over and unbuttons my pocket.  I yell out “Whoa buddy!  I thought you were putting it in my pocket!  Please don’t put anything in my ass right now, please man!”  After the scan I was brought back to my room and given yet another dose of Dilaudid!

So after some waiting, we get the results of the scan.  Sure enough, I did have a kidney stone.  The size was 7mm.  Wow!  Ok, for you ladies, that equates to approximately 1.25 carats in diamond size!  And for the guys, that is slightly over ¼ of an inch.  Anyways, I was given a few more doses of Dilaudid over the next few hours.  Then when it was time for me to go home, I was given a couple of Percocet to get me through the night.  I was told to follow up with my urologist within the next few days and sent home.

To be cont…

Nine Eleven


It was a day to remember when it came to an end
He was a husband, a father and a great friend.
He had led a hard life and pain filled his mind
And on this day, he decided to leave it all behind.

No one understood the pain that he had endured
And every day of his life all he wanted was a cure.
No cure was sufficient from chemicals to shock
He was trapped in his mind with no key to the lock.

The balloon was getting bigger; it was all he could take
And soon it would explode easing his mind of the ache.
He then disconnected himself and pushed everyone away
Always wanting to be alone for reasons he would not say.

Finally he saw those dark eyes and the outreached hand
And he knew in a few moments he had lived out the plan.
He opened the bottle and swallowed a few pills
He needed to relax before his blood he would spill.

He gathered his thoughts and steadied his hand
One shot to the head and soon his journey began.
His entire life flashed right before his eyes
As his last moments passed and he gave his last sigh.

He left behind much, but felt he gained much more
Because his feelings of pain were finally cured.
He only wanted to feel love and be happy one time
But happiness was rare in his fucked up mind.

Let him be thought of as someone who cared
Yet loving himself was something that was rare.
This day was one that he kept in great secrecy
As this was the finality of his self fulfilled prophecy!

Dance of the Rainbow


Blades of soft green grass dance in perfect harmony.
Swaying violets join in the choreography.
Red flutter-bys are making their final descent.
And the fluffy white billows are all but absent.

The vast blueness has been the stage for the long day.
But soon the huge black shroud will enter into play.
And the flaming orange sphere will soon be retired,
As it begins its long journey as it’s required.

The glowing yellow globe rises above the stage.
The performers departed tired but assuaged.
Distinct sounds from the chirps of brown hop-alongs,
And whispers from Mother’s breath make a lovely song.

Hours go by as the orange globe sleeps peacefully.
Non-stop work is part of her everyday reality.
Soon the bright orange sphere will journey back again.
Another day of light and warmth it must begin.

Day begins to break, and the colors again rise;
The blues, greens and yellows; even the flutter-bys.
Sunrise to sunset, the cycle never does end.
Oh how beautiful; Mother Nature, our best friend.

The Next Step


I clear my mind; I clear my head.
Yet I still have the thought that I want to be dead.
Free of sorrow and definitely free of pain,
Death is a way to end life’s pleasure less game.
What did I do to deserve all this strife?
All I ever wanted was a peaceful and joyous life.
Life’s wicked game has surely taken its toll on me.
Everyone says I have much to live for, but I just can’t agree.
Fear of death no longer holds a barrier in my way.
And I don’t know why I continue, but I don’t know why I stay.
Perhaps I’m trying to convince myself that things could be changed.
Maybe my priorities are out of order. Maybe my life needs to be rearranged.
What shall I do with these inevitable feelings inside?
I used to keep them bottled up, but they’re no longer feelings I hide.
Where do I go now? Where do I run to next?
This decision is much too complicated; For now I’m much too perplexed.

Love and Compromise


For partners to compromise in their relationship, they must first understand how to compromise. This is easier said than done. They must first agree that it is acceptable to disagree with one another as long as no resentment is held against the other. Also, lines of communication must always remain open as it is important to let your partner know how you feel. Help one another analyze the pros and cons of the situation as this will allow the two of you to be fair to one another. Feelings of resentment should never come out of a compromise so be sure the compromise is what you want when you agree to it.

We need to distinguish between a need and a want. Webster’s Dictionary defines a need as a necessity or a requirement whereas a want is defined as to desire or crave something. It is not our needs we have to abandon in a relationship but rather our wants possibly if we must compromise effectively. The basic premise is how do we love one another if we fail to love our selves through self neglect? Can we be free of needs? I really don’t think so. We need water and food at a minimum, but of course there are other needs. In my opinion, needs differ from person to person. One person may need love; another person may need compassion; and yet another person may need ongoing medical attention ;-). An abundant life can come from the fulfillment of our wants. What does all of this have to do with compromising in a relationship? It’s simple. We compromise to fulfill our needs and the wants are just icing on the cake!

Compromising is a basic skill that is for life in general and is an important skill that must be honed to be successfully used in a relationship. Knowing how and when to compromise is a key component to a healthy relationship that will stand the test of time. Without the willingness or ability to compromise, your relationship can be set up for failure. There are plenty of people that view compromise as a sign of weakness or that it makes them appear to be the passive partner in the relationship. That is not the case. First off, it takes two to compromise and secondly, you must make the correct compromise. If you don’t both compromise, then it’s not a compromise. You basically just gave in to your partner. If you suffered a loss or didn’t fulfill a need, then you made a wrong compromise.

Just like any other agreement or relationship individuals enter into, there are rules of engagement so to speak. It’s the same with compromising. Here are a few basic guidelines when compromising:

• Neither of you should experience a considerable loss during a compromise. You will be giving up a portion of what you originally “wanted” due to the nature of a compromise though.

• The compromise should be as close as possible to a “win win” situation for both of you.

• It is central to the success of the compromise that the two of you trust one another will not take advantage of each other during the compromise.

• If you or your partner does not think they will be able to live by the agreement of the compromise, then do not enter a compromise.

To reiterate, every successful relationship requires a fair amount of give and take of your wants. The key to this equation though is balance. Each partner should contribute equally and should receive an equal amount of enjoyment in return. This may seem like a simple concept, but it is one that couples struggle with everyday. Neither of you are ever going to want the same thing at the same time. But if you master the art of giving an inch, your partner is more likely to go that extra mile in return!

Feelings in Relationships


If you are in the beginning stages of a relationship, an established relationship or even a marriage, shouldn’t you be able to ask your partner about their feelings and emotions? I understand the desire to avoid some painful topics, but if I ask you questions about your feelings, it is only because I am attempting to get personal and make an emotional connection with you. Isn’t that what partners in a relationship do? Isn’t that what people that love one another do?

When then is it so hard for some to open up to one another? Remember, there are a number of ingredients in a relationship: trust, communication and empathy, all of which play an important role in this situation. It only benefits us then to open up possibilities for sharing emotions with one another. We have all experienced pain and suffering sometime in our lives, but being honest and open about it gives the listener or the one asking the questions the chance to understand you a little better and to make that emotional connection with you. If your partner does not respond with the compassion and empathy that you expected or deserved, then that reflects on his character and NOT on you, the person that just revealed her emotions and feelings. Yes, sharing such intimate feelings of pain and sorrow can create feelings of vulnerability and even make us feel uncomfortable, but it will also allow us to make connections with our partner that are meaningful and beneficial to the relationship.

Emotions and feelings are actually the glue that binds couples together. Emotions and feelings are the groundwork of your ability to understand yourself as well as to relate to your partner. When you can control your emotions, you can clearly communicate your emotions and feelings as well as let your guard down, trust, become vulnerable and open yourself up to your partner. You will enjoy a healthier and happier relationship.

We all have the ability to experience many emotions including joy, fear, pain, sorrow and anger. But many of us are usually disconnected from these feelings in some way or another. By attempting to avoid these feelings, our emotions have become distorted in a way and have been placed on the “back burner” so to speak. We kind of forget about them and avoid them, but avoiding them can cause serious damage to our relationship. For instance, distracting yourself with some sort of obsessive or destructive behavior in order to avoid these feelings you dislike so much. Or sticking to a single response when someone brings up something that makes you uncomfortable and you retort by making a joke to avoid feeling sad or feeling insecure. Or lastly, you may even shut down completely by totally disconnecting from those harsh feelings. This can be bad for not only you, but for you partner as well. If you shut out your emotions, you’re shutting out your emotions. By that I mean you are shutting out both the good and the bad emotions so you are unable to experience the good things like love, trust and intimacy. It also takes quite a bit of energy to keep these feelings suppressed versus sharing them with the one you love. This can eventually become quite exhausting. And finally, it will damage your relationship. The more distant you become from your feelings, the more distant you become from your partner. You break the line of communication, but you also break the trust that is the foundation of the relationship which could possibly cause some resentment from your partner.

You can change. You can trust and feel safe sharing your feelings with the one you love. Trusting your partner and allowing them into your safety zone is frightening, and if you are afraid of a breach of trust, this can be quite devastating and can damage your desire to ever be intimate again. Always remember, relationships are built on feelings. When those in a relationship are honest with one another, they experience pain at times, but they will not experience the misery of a relationship built on lies or the lack of intimacy by one partner towards the other. Feelings come and go. Only those feelings that you act upon matter in the big scheme of things as well as in love and in relationships!

Love and Acceptance


In the early stages of every relationship, partners are usually ecstatic when they discover they share common interests. When obvious differences arise, these same partners abandon their previous convictions with the same enthusiasm. It is at these early stages in a relationship when that “new love” propels you forward to create similarities when none exist. To go a step further, the intimacy (both physical and emotional) is also effortless. Sometimes couples feel like they can talk for hours or even experience intense passion. As the relationship progresses though, the partners may find themselves preferring television over a conversation or the intimacy could even be on the decline.

Those couples that have been together for years have probably realized that there are differences between the two of them. Since they are human, and no two humans are alike, it is inevitable that differences were eventually going to surface. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing though. Partners can be different but still be compatible if they are compatible in the areas that matter the most such as core values, parenting techniques, etc. Certain differences can actually complement one another though. For example, if you like to cook but you don’t like to clean and your partner does like to clean, then that’s a situation where the differences complement one another. Another example could be personality traits such as one partner is serious and the other partner is playful; or one partner is shy and the other is outgoing. On the other hand, differences can also cause much conflict. For instance, the quietness you once thought was charming can someday frustrate you especially when it takes all of your energy to engage your partner in conversation.

It’s at this point when couples begin to think about change. Something or someone needs to change. Finger pointing begins and couples often seek the help of a counselor. He expects her to change and she expects him to change. How can you change the unchangeable though? The answer is YOU CAN’T. You should accept that person for whom they are and learn to work with their differences as they are to learn to work with your differences. Most of us can easily see how we are different from our partner, but we do not know what to do with these differences. We are usually threatened by them though. We use them in arguments or even in power struggles. Therefore, we destroy or damage what might otherwise be a very fulfilling relationship.

A simple change in perspective, those very same differences can become a passage to the deepest intimacy a relationship has to offer. Differences can be transformed into the catalyst for change, ongoing adventure and personal growth instead of negativity and hurt. The differences will be painful at first, but with time and a new perspective (acceptance), the soul will open and new experiences will soon begin to occur. Work toward accepting the differences that exist. The art of acceptance is essential for a healthy relationship. Acceptance should be an essential tool that is always at hand in your relationship toolbox along with your willingness to compromise and negotiate!

In closing, practicing and mastering the art of acceptance will create a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. There are a few things to remember about acceptance. (1) You should always cultivate a mindset of openness. You or your partner cannot move past your differences unless you both consciously and completely open your hearts to one another. This means even the parts that you wish did not exist. (2) There are many roads to intimacy. The differences exist in how you and your partner get there. Notice I said differences? They do not imply a right or wrong method so you should suspend all judgments. (3) Acceptance is definitely not defined as submissive complacency. Basically, you are allowing yourself to co-exist with your partner peacefully given those circumstances that are beyond your control. (4) The road to acceptance does not entail lying down and accepting everything that your partner says or does whether you agree or not and never challenge your partner to improve. Relationships are built on compromise and change as time goes on. There may be something that your partner can change that would benefit the relationship and this should be encouraged. (5) Once you begin to accept the differences in your partner, you have taken the vital step toward appreciating your partner’s uniqueness. With practice, you will embrace the differences in your partner. It is these differences that make both you and your partner unique. And it is these differences that will make your relationship change over time and become stronger each day. Accept the differences and allow the change!

Offend the Offended


What exactly does offensive mean? Webster’s Dictionary defines offensive as causing displeasure or resentment. The reason I bring this up is because a bit later, I’m going to include something that I received in one of those mass emails some time back that I held onto. It’s probably going to offend some, but I wanted to examine exactly what it means to be offended and why people get offended.

First, let me begin by saying as a writer, you are taught to take a stance on a subject and not back down. You should never play the fence and there is never any grey area. This means that you could possibly offend someone with your writing. What’s the reasoning behind this? The many types of writings that an author may create are written from his perspective which is basically his opinion. How can he expect the reader to respect his opinion if he cannot stand firm on what he believes?

I believe there are two types of offensiveness. You have true, genuine offensiveness when someone is actually hurt or displeasured by comments or actions of another and then you have what I like to call the political ploy offensiveness (PPO) when people do not like something you say or do and for argument’s sake claim that it offends them because it just naturally seems wrong and it’s not what they believe. There are other reasons people become offended such as being uncomfortable during a conversation, afraid that your beliefs are different from theirs, feelings of embarrassment or even lack of knowledge of the subject being discussed. I don’t set out to purposely offend others, but I’m the type of person that likes to ask questions. If you have a differing opinion than my own, I like to understand why you feel the way you do. I will attempt to get you to open up and answer my questions. Some will simply become annoyed while others find this offensive.

The First Amendment of the US Constitution protects our Freedom of Speech. This includes criticism of the government and advocacy of unpopular ideas that people may find distasteful or offensive such as racism are generally permitted. Keep this last part in mind for later when I post the poem/writing that I talked about later. To me then, it seems that I have the right, as a US citizen, to speak about whatever I please. If I would like to publicly speak about another race or religion, then I should be able to do so. If you are a Muslim, and I am openly talking about Christianity and you become offended, should I stop my conversation? I don’t feel I should. I think this would be a great opportunity for you and I to both gain knowledge of the other’s religion. Instead of becoming offended or angry, share your knowledge. If I’m openly speaking about Hitler around a group of black individuals, and they become irritated or offended, I could turn the situation into a positive learning experience. I could easily explain to them that even though Hitler was indeed a horrible person, he had many contributions to the world and to his country such as helping create the Volkswagon as well as the many advancements in military technology.

On the other hand, you have those that use the PPO. This involves taking a social topic and claiming that it is offensive because it is not politically correct or that it is not socially correct. For example, abortion or homosexuality. When running for office, many political candidates have a firm stance on such topics. Politicians use speeches on these topics to play on people’s emotions while trying not to offend them. On the other hand, those who don’t agree with the politician claim political incorrectness and claim it to be offensive to them. And can you guess what happens next? That same government that offended these people passes laws on those same offensive topics and the offended individuals now gladly accept and embrace those ideals and are no longer offended! I think you can have freedom from being offended or freedom of speech, but you cannot have both!

In closing, I’d like to say that next time you feel offended, think of why you are offended. Are you scared? Is it because you don’t have enough knowledge about the topic? Are you ashamed or embarrassed? Does it not fit within your morals? You don’t have to agree with the idea or even believe in it but take the opportunity to absorb some knowledge and learn the other person’s stance. For once, try to put yourself out of that comfort zone and ask questions. You’d be surprised at what you might learn and what may even be true!

Ok, now for the poem…I did not write this nor do I remember where I got this…

I’m Proud

There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans,
Native Americans…And then there are just Americans.

You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me white boy,
cracker, honkey, whitey, caveman…And that’s OK!

But when I call you nigger, kike, towel head, sand-nigger, camel jockey, beaner, gook, or chink…You call me a racist.

You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live?

You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You have Ma’uled Al-Nabi. You have Yom HaShoah. You have the NAACP. And you have BET.

If we had WET (White Entertainment Television)…We’d be racists.

If we had a White Pride Day…You would call us racists.

If we had White History Month…We’d be racists.

If we had any organization for only whites to “advance” OUR lives…We’d be racists.

We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that?

If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships…You know we’d be racists.

There are over 60 openly-proclaimed Black-only Colleges in the US, yet if there were “White-only Colleges”…THAT would be a racist college.

In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights…You would call us racists.

You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you’re not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride…You call us racists.

You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer who is running from the LAW and posing a threat to ALL of society…You call him a racist.

I am proud…But, you call me a racist.

Why is it that only whites can be racists?

Bang and Get It Over With


The feel of the cold steel next to my face;
Was I really going to a new place?
The mighty projectile sat in its throne;
And few more moments then I will be gone.

I scribble a note on the pad at hand,
To let those know why I left this grim land.
I will miss you all, but I have to go
Because my pain just continues to grow.

I steadied my hand and lifted the gun.
BANG!  And life as I knew it was now done.
The loud blast of the metal pierced my ears.
It was the very last sound that I did hear.

My brain and blood burst out my head
The instant the bullet hit I was dead.
The blood poured out as did my pain
But I’d never have to hurt ever again.

The pain that I had was now gone, but so was I.
I know when they find me that they will surely cry.
My wife was the first person to find me that day;
She cried and said “It didn’t have to be this way!”

They came to carry my inanimate body out;
My parents were there and could only scream and shout.
I swear I could hear my daughter as I passed by,
“Mommy, I didn’t get to kiss Daddy goodbye.”

I’m sorry to those that I hurt and left behind;
I was finally able to find my peace of mind.
I hope you can forgive me for what I have done;
But I love you all dearly – goodbye everyone.

Thought of the Day


To discover true love, one must first embrace his own soul.

The Mental Cage


Black as night and in plain sight
My world is slowly coming to an end
As I look inside myself but see nothing else
But a tired soul full of nothingness.

My soul is almost empty
Yet my brain is quite full
Of thoughts that race through time
As I stand still and face the dance of life.

The substance races through my veins
As I awake to life’s same old games
The balloon continues to grow
Ever closer to the inevitable burst.

The sounds in my ear evokes such fear
As I amble about my desolate mind
As time passes the sounds grow silent
But sadly my thoughts become violent

I shake the doors and hear the chains
As I try to escape the dungeon I’m in
But my mind has its grip on me
I cannot evade the mental cage.

~Digital Dovah~

Love and Empathy


Empathy is another agent that binds a loving relationship together. Empathy can be both healthy and destructive for a relationship. Empathy allows us to form a deeper more fulfilling emotional bond with our partner. Empathy can be defined as the ability to feel and experience another’s emotions, moods or attitude within our own body as though it were our own feelings and sensations. It is sort of like compassion for another person, only empathy takes understanding and compassion to a whole new level. Empathy gives you an actual physical experience in your own body. This can be compared to watching your partner give birth. You can almost experience and feel every muscle and every pain in her body as if it were your own. This constitutes the ultimate act of love and complete surrender and can be emotionally rewarding.

Empathy can be said to be the building block of emotional closeness in a relationship. It is the foundation of the whole idea of “we” rather than just the “I” or even “you”. Less stressed is caused if you sense your partner feels how it is for you. You also feel closer and more trusting as well as more inclined to return empathy. Fundamentally, empathy is a skill that must be learned and honed and you can get better at it over time. Not only will getting better at it help your relationship, but it will also help with your parenting skills as well.

Once again, empathy is the ability to feel what one another are feeling. Compassion is deeply caring about one’s own pain as well as your partner’s pain. These two concepts are very inter-related in a relationship. People are born with compassion and empathy but as a child, if they are not shown either, they will tend to put up a wall and create boundaries. This child may even shut down when a parent shows compassion or empathy for others but not for themselves and ends up being walked on or potentially abused because of it.
Once one partner shuts down their empathy and compassion, they can do a great deal of harm to the other partner. This can include emotional disrespect or even abusive or physical violence. It is only when we feel one another’s feelings that we care about the effects our behavior has on our partner. It is through our empathy that we feel the connectedness with our partner and cannot and will not do them harm.

At times, both partners tend to shut down their compassion to conflict and then their conflicts are rarely resolved satisfactorily. One partner sometimes shows more empathy and compassion than the other partner, especially during conflict causing even more difficulties. If one person is able to maintain his or her compassion for the partner even when angry, but the other person shuts down, this creates an imbalance in the relationship. The more empathetic partner may end up feeling abused by the situation and may also be the one who usually takes steps to remedy the situation. Another problem faced in the relationship is when one partner deeply cares about the other person’s happiness and freedom, but the other partner, due to shutting down, does not support the other’s happiness. This can cause tremendous stress in the relationship as well as resentment between the two people.

It is only when both individuals can stay open to empathy, both for themselves and for others, even when they are angry or upset, that they can reliably care for themselves or others. Because caring ceases to exist without empathy or compassion, the partner on the non-receiving end of this may feel as if they are walking on eggshells.

I must point out that while bringing empathy and compassion to a relationship, you must also respect yourself enough to bring that same compassion and empathy to within yourself. You definitely need to make sure that the empathy and compassion you have for others does not mean you place yourself in such a vulnerable state to allow your partner to take advantage or to abuse and disrespect you in any way.

In closing, relationships achieve growth and balance when both partners are intent on developing empathy and compassion for themselves and for each other. Without empathy and compassion, there is no true intent to learn. Remember, it is only the one with an open mind that will accept how to learn to maintain empathy and compassion for both oneself and others.

On Fire


I saw the fire in her eyes
As she lay by my side
Like I have never seen before.

But something wasn’t right
As we lay there that night
Embracing each other as one.

I tried to explain
That we had much to gain
And that we should leave at once.

But she told me it was okay
To embrace her anyway
So I pushed her down to the floor.

I could feel her warm breath
Up against my bare chest
As we writhed together as one.

Our clothes were soaking wet
We were dripping with sweat
As we blindly crawled around.

Soon the place filled with smoke
And we both began to choke
As the firemen broke down the door.

Love and Tolerance


Although love is the binding agent that keeps a relationship together, there are a number of factors, both positive and negative, that affect how strong the love binds that relationship. One important element is tolerance. Tolerance can be defined as a fair, objective and permissive attitude toward opinions, feelings and practices that are different that one’s own. Basically, this is saying that to be tolerant is to have compassion for another’s feelings and ideas when they are different from your own. Exactly how important is this in a relationship? Should you have a low tolerance or high tolerance in a relationship?

In my opinion, tolerance goes hand-in-hand with respect. Respect in a relationship acknowledges that life isn’t always black and white and that for one person to always be right, the other person does not have to always be wrong. There can be times where there are areas of grey. Realizing this can always help the partners avoid unnecessary stressful discussions and arguments. If you respect your partner, allow that to reduce the workload in the relationship by limiting the challenges to those issues that are really important, not just differences in opinion. Is the house on fire? Are you having a heart attack? If not, then there probably are some areas of grey. Stop arguing! Have some tolerance of the other person’s opinions. Respect the other person’s opinions!

Displaying respect for your partner builds feelings of acceptance and reassurance. It helps to tear down any walls or barriers that may have been put up over the years. It also makes relationships lighter which could mean better intimacy in the long run. Naturally, there are things that couples do to one another that cause irritation or friction and possibly even embarrassment. This can be as simple as how your partner puts the toilet paper on the roller, or more serious such as the way he or she uses vulgar language in front of your small child. It is the tolerance in the relationship that recognizes that sometimes you each do things that drive the other crazy, but unless there are formidable consequences, you take a breather and let the irritation pass. One positive about developing tolerance is that benefits go both ways: You can each be yourselves without worrying that the other is going to take you to task. Over time, it seems that the relationship becomes stronger, or more adhesive, because the give-and-take attitude, or the tolerance, means that the irritation at some of these habits actually turns into a form of fondness for one another’s idiosyncrasies which creates a more loving atmosphere.

In closing, I must ask, why then have a low tolerance in a relationship? Having a low tolerance can only destroy the glue that binds the relationship together. It will annihilate the love that you both have worked so hard to shape. Low tolerance means you have no regard and little respect for the other person as well as their feelings and opinions. Tolerance and trust go hand-in-hand. A lack of tolerance will also create a lack of trust. This lack of trust will establish walls and boundaries between partners; a suit of armor per se will be put on be each person. These walls will then lead to less intimacy and less respect for one another. Destruction of the relationship is the final phase of the relationship.

Even though getting passed your partner’s irritations and aggravations may seem like a hard road or a huge challenge, in the long run, you will be rewarded not only with tolerance, but with your partner’s trust and loyalty. It will create intimacy and a strong bond or what we can call the ultimate love!

Thought of the Day


Just as water nourishes a plant, knowledge nourishes the mind and love nourishes the soul.

Love and Vulnerability


I have been doing a great deal of thinking about the relationship of vulnerability and love. Believe it or not, you are the most vulnerable when you are experiencing love. Years and years ago, I used to believe love was simply an elusive feeling, more of an ideal than a reality. Love was simply a fascination that you felt at the beginning of a relationship but never achieved in a way that was portrayed in the movies or in romance novels. In hindsight, I believe the “love” that I felt was merely a combination of physical attraction, a fondness for the girl’s personality and the security of being in a relationship. What I have since learned is that true love requires an additional ingredient more powerful than any other factor: vulnerability!

During my typical teenage years up until only just a few years ago, I engaged in the usual defense mechanisms of artificial confidence, hiding my insecurities and holding in my emotions both to protect my self-image and eliminate judgments from others. I wasn’t ready to reveal my true self on the basis that people might use that information to hurt or better yet, to destroy me.

Vulnerability plays an important role in any relationship. People need to feel needed. They need to feel they fill a special place in their partner’s lives that no one else can. They want to be missed when they are gone and celebrated when they return. Women forget the men have these feelings and the men forget women have these exact same feelings. One step further, emotional need can be said to be the willingness and the ability to allow vulnerability within you. Both men and women are guilty of confusing vulnerability with weakness. Let’s get this straight: VULNERABILITY DOES NOT EQUAL WEAKNESS! Individuals with true courage and strength will allow themselves to be vulnerable.

Emotional need is a requirement in any relationship. A relationship, without need, will only result in a superficial relationship at best. Need seems to instill in us the desire to carry on under certain circumstances where desire alone would not. It is not enough to love, desire and respect your partner through the hard times. You must also NEED them. For you to allow vulnerability and love, the part that I’m talking about letting down or letting go of is the perceptible hardness or resistance that we experience against another person or a situation. We usually experience this as a type of armor. This “self-armoring” can inflict a huge amount of pain and suffering to you. At the time, it may seem as if it is doing a world of good by keeping harm out, but in reality it is actually cutting you off from your own love. It creates a very rigid or clamped-down feeling that is not only uncomfortable but also cuts off any possibility of feeling something positive with the other person.

Vulnerability, even thinking about it can be frightening to some people. Actually, a person must be strong to allow himself to be vulnerable. Vulnerability allows others to know us, who we genuinely are. Vulnerability allows negotiation. It allows an opening between conflicting needs.

Unfortunately, many people have been raised from the time they are young to deny their vulnerability. Many were raised by parents who could not be vulnerable. Many parents believe their children’s poor behaviors are directed at them and become angry and defensive in their parenting behaviors. When children are raised by defensive parents, they learn how to be defensive. Adults who are on the defensive cannot allow themselves to be open and vulnerable enough to relate to another adult.

Being vulnerable is being open. To love others, we must be open. When we are open, we allow our hearts to feel. When our heart is open to feeling love, it will also feel pain when love is withdrawn.

Vulnerability is part of process of empathy. To empathize with someone we need to be able to feel them, to know what they are feeling. This is part of good enough relationships. Being open allows us to be affected by one another and is vital to connection. When we allow ourselves to be hurt and feel pain, we are much more likely to recognize another’s pain. Sensitivity is important in this context; sensitivity to ourselves and others. By allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we understand humility.

Often, highly defended people have been so deeply hurt, they can no longer allow themselves to be vulnerable. Some may have been raised in a situation where everyone was defensive. Many who are highly defensive also become grandiose. Grandiosity, needing to believe we are somehow bigger, better, more important than we are, is an illusion. A sad illusion built on unrecognized and acknowledged pain.

When we allow ourselves to feel our pain, and work through it, we learn important lessons about ourselves and others. Our ability to empathize with others who are in pain, increases and we become better able to help them. We can be genuinely helpful when we can hear others. Only when we can fully listen to others, with every fiber of all our senses, can we be helpful to them. Respect involves listening.

Being attuned to others requires us to be vulnerable. We need to be able to allow the other to have control. We need to listen and empathize. Our ability to do that is built on our having felt and worked through our pain. Tempering a sword involves putting it into a fire and hammering it. A tempered individual is a vulnerable one. One who has allowed herself to go through her pain and healing process. As Marcel Proust said, “One heals suffering only by experiencing it to the full.”

In closing, if you really are vulnerable, you are loving. You can’t help but be loving. And if you’re very loving, you can’t help but feel vulnerable. If you allow yourself to feel, you heart is completely open.

The Sound of Silence


The sounds of life slowly become blurred
It’s as if my own speech becomes slurred
As the people around me sound very hushed
As I answer the questions posed very rushed.

The sounds are getting more muddled
My mind is becoming greatly befuddled
My head is cleared of each and every thought
Because with my soul silence has fought.

The battle was quick and rather deadly
I opened up my empty mind rather readily
To allow the silence to boldly take control
And force my mind to open like a black hole.

Drifting off into the vastness of space
You can see the blank look on my face
I’m asked “Ben, where did you go?”
Suddenly, I reappear and answer “I don’t know”.
As I battle with the sound of silence!

Where Are You Going?


Such as life, full of grief and strife.
Struggle each day. Is life going astray?
Keep it in tact, stay on track.

Such as life, full of joy and bliss.
Live life full until termination prevails.
Today ’till tomorrow, life is love, not sorrow.
The grass is greener as life is cultivated.

Learn to live though life may take and life may give
A mind dominated by hate only travels the road to fate.
A heart of affection journeys towards a meaningful direction.

The Beach


Infinite grains positioned side by side;
The fluxing of the massive brine,
Continuously changing the grains’ shape.

The huge glowing ball from so high above
Casts its rays over the blue as the wind pushes and shoves
The ocean’s plethora of waves.

The large pallet, blemished by the visiting peoples
Is wiped clean in unpalatable intervals
By the fluctuating ebb.

Darkness approaches and peacefulness dominates,
And the calm, smooth flow is all that penetrates
As one walks along the beach.

All About You!


Your touch is warm and gentle as is a mother’s for her child.
Your words are never harsh but always gentle and mild.
Your ears are always open for my words of stress and despair.
These three things together gives you a heart full of care.
Your love is always faithful; not to mention never-ending,
The past years with you have been the best that my life is spending.
Just as wood kindles a fire, your love kindles my heart.
That gleaming, devoted look in your eyes assures me we’ll never part.
I wake up each morning thanking God for my many treasures,
And you are the diamond in my treasure box-now and forever.

A Growing Experience


Some time ago, when I first met you,
I never thought we’d have a friendship that would be so true.
There’s something special about what we possess;
Our friendship consists of love, trust, and truthfulness.
You often lift me up from grief and carry me away,
With words of wisdom and strength; you always know what to say.
When times get stressful, hectic, or even depressing,
You keep your chin up–a positive attitude you’re always professing.
You have taught me confidence and how to be me;
It doesn’t matter what others think–it’s what I want to be.
Thank you so much for the love you’ve given and shown.
And I thank God for a friendship that has continuously grown.

The Journey


My time drifting seems longer each day
I wonder if I’ll ever make it to that destination
My chosen destination is of darkness and no light
This is where I shall find my emancipation.

The journey has been long and full of pain
Only blinded by those you once thought enamored you;
The falsehoods and fallacies are caused by lack of shrewdness
But who am I to evoke consequences to those many or few?

The consequences of life consume every breath of mine
Each beat of my heart shrieks for the pure juice of life
Yet my body only has bleakness and loneliness to offer.
What could ever be the root of this desolation and strife?

The screams that I hear are not of fright
But of the daily painful transactions of my soul
The energy I have is spent caring for my offspring
And I pray that she will never see how life has taken its toll.

My soul and my mind have astoundingly aged
Yet my body is physically where it should be
The demons of life have eaten away
So that all that remains are my painful memories.

My soul is so empty and my body so cold
My feelings have frozen in time
What can I do and where can I go
To change my heart and unmold my soul?

The last breath and the last beat of my heart
Cannot come with the quick speed I am seeking
So the daily game of life continues
What shall I do? What can I do for this world to keep me?

Dreams should be pleasant and engage peaceful sleep
My dreams are pleasant yet call me to the dark
The dark is a world where sleep is all that is offered
For this final journey is near on which I will soon disembark.

Past, Present and Future


The heart is like a canvass and love is like a pen
My heart has been scribbled upon time and time again.
With bright colors of love and the gentle strokes of time
You began painting my heart to make it truly shine.

The past was full of memories both of delight and despair
But we made the journey together because we knew what was near
We were doubted and tested by those who didn’t believe
That the feelings we shared together were quite genuine indeed.

Finally the day came where we were united as one
Husband and wife to live together until our days were done.
Time has tested our vows but love always shows the way
Because we always are able to start fresh and begin a new day.

The canvass has grown as we now paint as one
And we’ve welcomed a new artist whose life has just begun.
She has added many colors beyond our wildest dreams
Watching her grow for the love of life is plenty to make us beam.

The beauty of love should last a lifetime and I vow to you mine
I believe our love is invulnerable and will stand the test of time.
The past was quite a journey; in the present we’re learning more
But I promise to you on this day our future is safe and secure!

The Warmness of Transience


Like the vast depths of space,
So are my days filled with turmoil and haste.
Just as all dreams come to an end,
Ironically, it seems as though mine never begin.

Grasping for life and struggling from overwhelming despair
Sometimes it feels like I’m gasping for air.
Everyday of my life is as dark and bleak as the night,
Images of death play in my head easily with no fright.

Death is audacious and extremely bold.
Will I live and will I grow old?
Dark as night and cold as ice
The cards life deals are not always nice.

I hope I die without all of the pain
Because life is but a meaningless game.
As I sit and contemplate with tears in my eyes,
I wonder if I’ll be missed if I should die.

The pain is like a blade cutting through my heart,
How much more can I take before I fall apart?
If living was something to live forward to,
I wouldn’t be sitting here wondering what to do.

I wish I could explain the way I’m feeling.
These daily doses are becoming less appealing.
My head spins around as I stay in place,
Wondering if death is what I will chase.

I wonder if any of this will ever end,
Or if mortality will become my new friend.
Should I stay or should I die?
I guess for now I’ll just sit and cry.

The Island of Greed


There once was a small island far, far away
And on it lived a man who was sad until one day
He found a treasure, which made him happy and gay,
But off this little island he had no way.

He dreamed of the things he could buy and places he could see
With the magnificent treasure he found that made him so happy.
He thought of things to do to escape this island in the sea,
But nothing seemed to work, at least nothing of reality.

One day he noticed a ship passing by
Out of a shirt he made a flag to fly.
Was this his way off the island? It was worth a try.
But the captain saw the treasure and couldn’t believe his eyes.

The captain asked, “Would thee liked to be removed from this land?
If so, give me your treasure and well, my man,
I will take thee far, far away to places that are grand.”
“I will not give up thy treasure which was unburied by my own hands.”

The captain grew angry, and pulled out his gun
And said, “Give me your treasure or your life will be done!”
The greedy island man grabbed the treasure and began to run.
Escape was quite troublesome, for the treasure weighed a ton.

He ran and ran ’till he was out of breath,
So he sat on a rock to take a rest.
He was shot from behind by the pirates of the sea,
The death of another victim claimed by greed.

The Demon Within


Another Original by Yours Truly…

For so long the demon slept, but just recently it awoke.
It’s looking for something to eat or just my soul to choke.
Why can’t he just go away and let me be?
Why must he drain my inside and fill me with he?
I moan and I groan and I battle him within;
But sometimes he overpowers me and it is he who wins.
This fight for my soul is long and quite painful;
I view myself in the mirror and the scene is quite disdainful.
Blood-thirsty is he yet life thirsty ’tis I;
His demonic mastery overpowers me and causes me to cry.
As the battle continues, so does my life.